Home > I don't want to be the parent

I don't want to be the parent

November 5th, 2009 at 03:13 am

I had an interesting, if not frustrating, conversation with hubby today. He went to look at an old, I think '34, truck somewhere yesterday that someone told him about. (I'm gonna get his friends and family duct tape for gifts to tape their mouths shut!) He wants it, really, really wants it. He knows that finances are very tight, but it's one of those deals that don't come along every day, supposedly.

He mentioned it first, as in "do you care if I go look at it?" Do I mind if you LOOK? No, of course not. But I know that doesn't just mean he will look at it. Naturally, he made an offer on it, and told me different things he could scrap out to come up with the money. My thought is that if we could scrap out those things and come up with money that we ought to put it toward some good use like paying down our debt.

This is not a new thing for us. But, I gave up a long time ago saying no, because it just made us miserable. He was miserable because his wife was telling him what to do. I was miserable because he was miserable, so I finally told him one time that I was tired of feeling like the "parent" in this relationship. It didn't really change anything, except it relieved me from feeling that I was carrying the decision-making burden alone. We still may not agree that some of these purchases make sense, but I tend to step aside and let whatever he thinks needs to happen, happen. Sometimes he ends up buying whatever it was, and sometimes he doesn't. Only time will tell if it will leave us with more financial struggles down the road. I hate taking that chance, but I hate fighting over money more.

My logical brain tells me that if he buys this particular truck it will be something we could sell later if needed. His brain doesn't work the same way. He's very reluctant to sell any of his "treasures" that have accummulated over the years. I tried teasing him today saying that if he were a kid I'd be telling him no news toys until he gets rid of one of his old toys. He was not amused!


As I read back over this before posting, I can't decide if I'm complaining or whining or venting or just stating my random thoughts on the topic. Who knows? Maybe it will get out some of my frustration on the topic.


In definitely positive news, I found another dime on the sidewalk in front of another grocery store. That's 2 dimes this week! That beats 20 days of finding pennies, but it's all really the same.

And then, hubby cooked dinner tonight! Smile I asked if he was trying to butter me up because of the truck discussion! But no, his son was here and not feeling well (suspected hangover), so he thought he could get him to eat something. Whatever the reason, I'm pleased as punch! Treats like this don't come along often, like maybe 2x a year.

8 Responses to “I don't want to be the parent”

  1. cptacek Says:

    Get out of my head! What is it about trucks, guns and dogs? Guys can't get enough, and you just get tired of saying no. And the "I can sell this to pay for it." Well, really. You could sell that and pay some of the credit card too, you know.

  2. LuxLiving Says:

    tripled even - sorry!

  3. LuxLiving Says:

    Same discussion - different toy. Hubster's is computers and upgrades and software and periphials and magazines that talk about all that 'good stuff'. Big Grin

    We ended the wild and crazy financial party that ended with our financial 'animal house' in a strew of broken, or currently unloved items trashed in the basement. How did we end it?

    I started him a 'Computer Upgrades Fund'. The housebudget contributes to it minimally (has to be minimal as there are too many other needs), and he is at liberty to sell any old 'had-to-have-it,-it's-SSSSSSooooo-SO-wonderful-but-now-discarded-good-Stuff'
    and build up his fund and spend it any way he liked, but no more putting 'computer stuff' on the CCs unless the $$$s were there to pay it off. And, then since the balance is zero, he had to figure out way ahead of time what the priorities were because there were no more $s there to get the EXTRA cable or box or whangdoodle that is now NECESSARY because we bought the latest thing. Better be able to get it all with the $$$s in the fund or your whaztichie is just going to sit there until you find more dollars to put into the fund.

    There are limits in life. It's called critical mass.

    Hubster, meet Tough Love.

    He has since sold off a lot of the recently unlovable items and increased his Fund coffers. And the madness has slowed to a dull roar!


  4. LuxLiving Says:


  5. NJDebbie Says:

    Most likely he'll want to put money in this '34 truck. I know my husband has a '64 corvette that needs work and has been sitting in the garage collecting dust. He won't get rid of it and I don't push the issue!

  6. Ima saver Says:

    My husband is a car nut too! Gotta love him. He works 7 days a week, so I do indulge him! We have 6 cars now and looking to get another.

  7. dmontngrey Says:

    My DH wants to be a race car driver. Yes, seriously. We went through a long period of crying over not owning a race car and then he found a crew to volunteer with. Yes he's working crew and not driving, but he's learning a TON about it. This does allow him some outlet thankfully! His ADHD mind greatly complicates things and I am working so hard to step out of the parent roll right now. I'm tired of being the parent, but I got stuck there somehow.

  8. lizajane Says:

    It's nice to know I'm not alone on this one. The part that bothers me what NJDebbie said. Once it's here, it become a money pit. Plus, there are some other unfinished projects already - why start a new one?!

    dmontngrey - that's neat that your DH found a crew to volunteer with!

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